


What's the difference?

by anathemed



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Late night talks, i don't know what i was thinking when i made this, i suggest you listen to anathema by twenty one pilots while reading this, roof talks, twenty one pilots - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:45:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anathemed/pseuds/anathemed
Summary: He is a living enigma.





	What's the difference?

_"Nobody thinks what you think."_

 

They're having a sleepover at Tyler's house. It's weird for Josh to see Tyler at his home because he's different. Like a whole new Tyler he never knows of. The opposite, he might say.

It was in the middle of the night, almost 1 am, when Josh hears footsteps and window opening that make him wake up. A figure is laying down on the roof outside Tyler's room. He's ready to strike down the figure when he notices it's only Tyler. Now, this is weird, even for him.

"What are you doing?" Josh asked in confusion.

"I do this every night."

"Alone?"

"Who wants to join me anyway? As you can observe, the town is asleep and no one in their right mind would want to lay down on their roof at this hour." Tyler said calmly.

_No one in their right mind._

Josh struggles a bit to find the right thing to say to answer that statement. He emphasizes the sentence ' _no one in their right mind_ '. But he decides not to discuss it any further.

Tyler just stared into the night sky, he looks mesmerized by the night sky. Josh looks up and fails to see anything. No glistening stars, no moon, no cloud either. Nothing.

"You love the sky, Tyler?"

"Why'd you ask?"

"You look, I don't know, different?"

"I've always been this way, Josh. You just don't notice it." Tyler answered..... _cheerfully_?

"You surely look more, I don't know, alive."

"I don't look alive, Josh. I _feel_ alive."

"What's the difference?" Josh asks as he fails to understand.

"You can look dead while you're alive inside." Tyler answers calmly, gaze still exploring the endless darkness of the sky.

"And how can you do that exactly?" Josh asked with such curiosity.

"The same way you look alive when you're not inside." Tyler's answer echoes in Josh's mind. He thinks to himself of how the usual boy he sees at school everyday, practically his best friend, can say things that are usually beyond his age. Beyond a teenager's mind. Beyond anyone's, really.

Tyler sits up and looks at the empty intersection of the road. Josh sits up next to him and notices the flickering yellow traffic light that no one ever bother to change or fix. Do they really not care about traffic lights? Accidents could happen because of a faulty flickering traffic light. 

"Staying alive and feeling alive are two different things. There's a thin line between them, if you notice. Or if you even think about these things. Bad habit of mine, really. I tend to overthink from these kind of thoughts."

"Then why are you thinking about it?"

Tyler continues to ramble about this subject without acknowledging Josh's question.

"Staying alive. Everyone can do that. It's your choice if you want it or not. You're staying but you're barely surviving. You're staying, but nothing sparks you. Is it even called alive? It's just staying. Everyone can stay. You don't put efforts into it."

Josh's interest goes from curious to worry in a matter of seconds. This is definitely not the Tyler Joseph he knows. But then, he's always been like this, he said.

"Being alive. _Feeling alive_. That's a different thing. You actually feel what's around you. You know that you're alive and you take every second of it. Staying alive is basic. Being alive is your choice. People will say 'stay alive' to a suicidal person. Physically, they will. How about the inside? People don't say 'stay happy' to a sad person. They'll say 'be happy'. Why should it be different from being alive?"

Josh now knows why Tyler hides this side of him. He buries it deep. This is not the kind of subject you can bring up on a normal conversation. This is the kind of subject that will attract people's judgment. Disgust could be thrown at you. Sympathy could be seen in everyone's eyes. Josh knows Tyler won't let those emotion affect him, especially not from the ones he cares about. And it's a privilege for Josh to see it.

And Josh continues to wonder what kind of other thoughts Tyler must have on nights when he's alone.

"I don't know what to say to that." Josh says as he tries to work out his best friend's statement of being alive.

"Then don't bother to. Don't waste your voice on something insignificant like this."

Tyler continues to stare at nothingness. Another side of Tyler that Josh will never understand.

"There's no stars tonight." Josh states the obvious as he tries to lighten the mood.

"I do notice." Tyler answers quickly, almost interrupting him.

Silence falls as Josh arranges words that he's going to use. He's a bit scared, but he decides to go for it. He wants to know. He needs to know.

"There's nothing, Tyler."

"Exactly."

"Exactly?" Josh asks in more confusion.

"It's like a blank paper. A blank canvas I can paint on. No stars, no moon, no clouds. If there were stars out there, it'll affect my perception of the sky. I would say things like how beautiful the stars are tonight. I'd like to keep my own thought of what the sky should be like."

Josh doesn't understand. At all. And Tyler just keeps his silence. As Tyler lays down again, Josh secretly wants Tyler to instantiate. To help him understand. But he doesn't.

Josh is treading carefully, not knowing what to say, what to respond.

The eerie silence falls once again while Josh is trying to make out what Tyler is thinking about right now. God knows what's happening in that boy's head. But he knows he will never understand him. Surely not this side of him. It's too complex.

"Tyler?" Josh breaks off the silence.

"Hm?"

"You said you don't look alive but you're actually alive inside."

"Yes."

"When do you consider yourself looking alive?" Josh really doesn't want to hear his answer. He doesn't know why he's afraid.

"Whenever you think I look alive."

"But, I see you, looking alive everytime we're at school, everytime we hang out. Everytime, Tyler."

"Have it your way, then. If you see me like that, then we just have a different perception on what I look like. Does it matter?"

"You said you look alive when you're actually not."

"Like I said, does it matter?"


End file.
